I am an extrovert who is very open and sociable. But after I was cheated by ck m once, plus getting married after giving birth, my mother put pressure on me. About 3 months after giving birth, I always had thoughts of hugging my baby to commit suicide. Later, I only heard the saying "I chose to have a baby, I didn't choose to be born" that I calmed down. But that death in my head never gave up the thought of wanting to commit suicide. On the surface, no one thinks I'm so negative because I still live and talk to take care of my children, but only I know I want to live. I don't feel pain anymore, right thinking, knives or burns I still feel pain. And every time cuznh just wants to see blood. I'm also afraid of myself now. have I ever gone crazy and harmed my children?